Childhood, Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood

The Hump

Sometimes I wonder if I’m settling in my life.

I look at where I am and I question alot of things. I wonder if I had gotten a better education for myself would I have still been in my predicament. If my parents had shown me better tools and a bit more love and understanding would I have been better off in life? Sometimes the most realest part about coming to terms with your outcomes is realizing that there isn’t anyone else to blame for who you are except… yourself.

I know many women in my life who are beautiful and successful in their fields of work, yet still looking for love, still hoping for children. Not everyone needs those things to be whole but it’s definitely force fed to us that life isn’t life without marriage & procreation. I believe that it gets redundant dealing with idiots all day, hoping to find the right idiot for you. It begins to feel like having it all isn’t real. Something has always got to give. If you work the job you love (or don’t love), with long hours most of the time, there’s no time for the kids or spouse. If you’re home with the kids, there’s a possibility that you never see anyone but the kids with barely any love life. If you have kids there’s a probability that you may not have much time with your spouse. In order for it to all work, you hire a nanny or an au pair or a maid to help keep it all together. So you get someone to help take care of your children and the children are then being raised by someone else while you work more hours to pay for the extra services. There’s just no winning. And now I’m tired.😥

It’s always been easy for me to find a reason for someone else to be at fault for my shortcomings. It’s been my “go to” when I failed at life. I didn’t finish college because no one helped me learn how to spend or save $ correctly. I didn’t focus on my writing completely because I didn’t have the support from my family to see my futuristic vision. I spent my entire 20’s stressing about credit because I put myself in extreme debt by 20. I’m in debt because no one taught me the economics of money. You begin to realize there’s a common denominator. I’m not interested in playing the fool to myself anymore. Even that job gets tiring. We’re all here fighting about so many issues. It’s the poor vs. the rich, the black vs. the white, the man vs. the woman yet we fail to realize that life is inevitably about the wins & the loses. You learn some of the greatest lessons from your loses & it makes the wins that much sweeter.

Everyone wants a say, in how we choose to live our lives, especially the government. They govern our lives. They’re quick to defend the embryo, with a thousand words of protection yet there isn’t as much concern for a child’s well being when they’ve been born. They spend all that time being concerned with what’s growing in a woman’s womb yet the concerns diminish when that child is born, or becomes 6 months old, or 5 years old, or 10, or 15, or 19. If a child is put into the system ran by the government it isn’t a good thing. No one feels at ease about putting children into a government program ran through oppression. Yet we allow them to tell exactly when they should become involved in a dynamic (called family) that they know nothing of. We’re at this point where children are marching for their lives to matter. My inner child watches in awe. I am the silent misled youth of the past looking on and wondering if they’ll make a difference this time.

I never expected much to change in life. I figured men would always be allowed to have the upper hand, people of color would always be dealt the wackest hand & I’d probably fall somewhere in the middle.

Yet now I’m raising a little black boy and I’ve all of a sudden, seen the wrong in my ways of thinking. I see how the world has changed. I hope to be the change I see in the world. It’s scary out there but I’m not as old as I feel. I saw over 10 gray hairs on my head this morning. I guess my hair is showing my age along with my knees.😔 My little boy though, he’s here to show me growth, in the most astounding yet silent way. I just can’t see it yet. It’s like standing on the ground and when u finally get to look at the entire picture, you finally see the Earth, the stars & the universe possibly. What’s really amazing is that the universe is living individually within each of us, we’re just too busy to notice.
I’m just ready to get to the bigger picture. Because this hump I been living on has got me feeling like the ground is too soft & I’m beginning to feel like it’s quicksand turning into the concrete. Something’s sparking change & I’m quite interested in seeing where it’ll take me.




Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood

Peace of Mind~

I stopped fighting myself recently. I thought I’d missed out on something. Some party or concert I was trying to get to that motherhood was pulling me from.

I used to go out alot. So many excursions became a normalcy. There was no reason for me to mourn the lost of the single life, I technically haven’t been single in over 7 years.

I thought I was having a mid life crisis after having the baby. Welcome to Postpartum
Depression with a side of Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome with a garnish of Persistent Depression Disorder. My husband said he never met someone who constantly said “I need to find myself.” until he met me. He still doesn’t completely understand what I mean by that. I used to write so much poetry that I’d perform it all over NYC. In those poems were writings of being lost. Constantly, I would write about being lost. Lost in love, lost in life, lost in a mixed up bag of bullshit. When you write a particular fate into your existence, you can easily become that. I skimmed through my older writings to find something that explained me to a tee. It read “I came with a brokenness that I had been working on mending throughout my entire life. I had moments where I was healed and then other moments were the wound would be reopened to be bruised & hurt all over again. “Who were we to ourselves first?” was a question that I forgot to ask myself but it would eventually find its way back to me soon.”

So here I am again. Asking myself if I did everything I could do to be a good role model to the children. Wondering, am I enough for my husband? I have been neglecting myself the entire time just by pondering about the well being of others. It seems simple to comprehend as I write it but it’s not as simple as it seems.

The new normalcy of my country is an extremely triggering one as a Black Female. In my shoes in 2017, I saw manhood come crumbling down. It’s no longer just about wondering if my husband will make it back home to me everyday. It becomes about teaching my little man child the importance of survival, respect & boundaries. I watched women reclaim their time as men became rapists AND victims. I had to explain to my teenager why it was imperative that she comprehend how her body can be perceived to older men while still teaching her to live free. I had to watch large sums of people fake being shocked about sexual harassment in the world when many of them condoned it or just turned an eye from what they encountered. As if it wasn’t blatantly there. Quietly escaping each thought of being misled, I held my son & vowed to teach him better. I stare at my husband sometimes & wonder how he loves me so much. My pent up frustration leads to less affection for him but he loves me none the less. Where I won’t kiss him, I’ll replace it with a meal. Where I won’t touch him, I’ll replace it with a smile. When I won’t speak to him, I’ll replace it with my ears to hear his woes instead. I push past my shortcomings for him. He is the guiding force that helps me create amazing children. We do it together. Yet I know I stumble over my pain on the way. And my knees have scars that have healed yet left horrible marks that cut deep within my soul. So I get lost.

Lost in those emotions & unanswered past notions is where my soul roams. It hurts alot to be that Black. Unapologetically. My skin may not be of the darkest hue but my lips, nose and eyes can get no bigger. My features say more & it’s like my ancestors are screaming at me to do better this time because I sometimes don’t hear their whispers. So I look to my babies & then back at myself & I say… “Jwa. Be You. Unapologetically You. And the children will be their best selves because of it.”

I dedicate this writing to my friend, Jennifer Lawrence-Love, Erica Garner and the 12 people who lost their lives plus the 4 in critical condition from the Bronx fire on Dec 29. This last week of fatalities & mistakes has been an eye opener into not allowing stress to run my world. When you allow your fears to take a front seat in your life, it tends to kill u slowly from the inside. A Jay Z quote resonates for me going forth into the life I have left and that’s “I Will Not Lose!”

Who you gonna be today?

Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood


Sometimes I look at old pictures of myself & I get a little sad. Thinking about the freedom or smooth skin I took for granted at times. Replaced with this new body with fat in different places & brand new stretch marks that appear as though aliens landed on me while my baby was incubated inside. Mother’s Day was last weekend and I’ve chosen to learn how to disappear for next year. My plan was to leave all weekend and never give myself a chance to be disappointed. I have a 5 month old baby boy that is exclusively breastfed so that option became null and void quicker than I cared for. Even with my backups of frozen milk, I felt an uneasiness about using my last 3 bags for needed time spent alone. I haven’t had a moment to just be free with my thoughts in months. Each day begins with how & what to do to create the best possible living scenario for my husband & children on every aspect. I hate that my mind won’t ease up. I hate that I feel overwhelmed with ideals of pleasing others at all times. It begins to feel self depreciating.

You don’t get to choose your family. The best thing that you can do to be happy in the life you’ve been given is to raise your kids right. Problem is, you don’t get to choose your kids either. In some supernatural, spiritual realm, I do believe that we have chosen each path & life lived. Regardless of whether I feel I had a choice in the souls surrounding me, it’s clear that they would have been put there either way for a larger meaning.

I got two spiritual readings including a Reiki session while pregnant with Baby Light. All signs proved him to have chosen me & vice versa. It was said that he & I had been together in past lives. We had chosen each other again for this one.

I got alot of Mother’s Day texts from friends & family this year. Many people were congratulating me on Baby Light. I reminded anyone who suggested this was my first Mother’s Day that it technically was my 2nd considering I have been caring for my 15 yr old stepchild for 2 years now. My husband refers to Mother’s Day as a Hallmark holiday. My stepchild has trauma caused from the biological mother.

Every year thus far, Mother’s Day has been terrible. I’m not a huge person on gifts & such. I just like the idea of acknowledgement on a job well done. I could tell weeks in advance I was going to be disappointed so I planned on leaving the house alone. Since that didn’t happen, the day began with it’s normal disappointments. I awoke to a text message from the child asking for something (I didn’t want to be asked for anything). The text message inevitably got to saying Happy Mother’s Day but was watered down by the consistent need for something. My husband awoke and watched Netflix for an hour and a half while I breastfed the baby & tried to lure the little one back to sleep. The hubby never said Happy Mother’s Day. Instead, he asked “What do you want?” I replied “To just leave.” Finally I got the baby to sleep & tried to leave for the shower I rarely get to take.

Twenty mins later amidst a screaming baby, I had Baby Light back in my arms wishing I had put on deodorant before grabbing him. My husband looked at me with his concerned eyes. No comprehension of what was wrong. I planned on just running away possibly coming back in 12 hours, turning off my phone to escape everything. Not enough frozen milk for that plan to work though.

I just never knew. Everyone tells you how difficult your children can be but stepchildren… Stepchildren come with a different type of story. You get this person who you vow to take care of because they belong to your spouse but they come with their own baggage. They come with their own problems. They have their own growing pains that they’ve partly created & partly been inherited. What do you do when everything you’ve done to help them gets looked upon as failure or just isn’t acknowledged? What do you do when there are no longer any words of “thank you” or “hello”?

I stayed home for Mother’s Day & endured another day that didn’t look any different than the disappointment I face in my home everyday. And that’s the thing with mothers, there’s no break. Even in the midst of a breakdown, it’s seen as a failing moment. I told myself that I’d just keep pushing forward anyway. I never know what to expect from my children. I can only hope that one day it’ll all make sense & my work wasn’t in vain. I have my own soul searching to do through my parents’ journey. Putting myself in the shoes of the child, I comprehend the effects that those two people have on me. No stepparent can ever compare to the type of love & pain a child endures from their parents in my point of view. It’s deep seeded issues & unconditional love flow through like lava. No matter how much one may try to write off the psychological, emotional, physical & mental effects that are inherited from parents, it’ll keep coming up until it’s addressed & understood. As much as I comprehend this, it doesn’t make a difference in my household if my husband & stepchild don’t. It becomes a continuing cycle of the same song. “All around the world, the same song.” – Digital Underground. I sing songs to myself to find an easier coping method.

“Sometimes, wish I knew life with no pain, yeah
Wish I held the keys to this game
Sometimes, I pretend cuz I’m afraid to be, afriad to be” – Bilal

Who u gonna be today?

Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood

Little Boy

I’m raising a young black boy in America…

& it’s scary. At first I just felt like I needed to get through the pregnancy. Then came the third trimester & the realization set in that I’m going to be raising a black boy & I’m going to need help!

Some days​, that trimester turned into an insecurity of wondering what type of world my child would be born into. The worry of my husband making it home everyday is real. It’s no different than being the wife of a police officer. I’m married to a large black man that’s my big teddy bear. I’ve become so concerned with his safety that it’s just an inevitable feeling now. The climate of the world has always had its insecurities​. I’ve learned that each era there’s downfalls from each decade. The 2000’s began with 9/11 & the Iraq war. The 90’s began with the invasion of Kuwait which led to the Gulf War. The 80’s was the drug epidemic along with AIDS which took its toll on people in towns across the country. The 70’s was the post murder era of many great leaders of our free country i.e. JFK, MLK, Malcolm X & soldiers of the Vietnam War. The 60’s was the revolution against everything because the country had gone mad believing they could control us. The 50’s was segregated & the beginning of a 20 year war in Vietnam. The 40’s was during the Hiroshima bombing & so on & so on. And of course let’s not forget how racism sat it’s ugly little face in the front row to watch it all. Every time a woman realizes she’s “with child” there’s a piece of her that wonders if she’s bringing the child into the right time in the world or even the right country. It’s a scary place to live & be with your thoughts. I’m grateful to have a strong man in my life yet my concerns for his safety run deep as well.

We live in a Black Lives Matter era now where our government is setup for failure. They fail us everyday in so many ways that it’s too many to keep up with. I’m stuck raging against the machine in moments when I’d rather do yoga & meditate. We’re all trying to be heard in this era i.e. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. The question is “Will your words begin a movement?”.

We need to learn how to use one another to stand up. My village ranges from people I never see to others who check in weekly. Create a group of people with like minds & achieve greatness. It could be a health conscious group for healthy living. Join an exercise app that helps you keep at it by choosing a partner for accountability. I get motivational texts every morning Monday through Friday to motivate me to keep writing this blog. is a great way to motivate the “you” you want to be. Everything takes one day at a time. You can’t rush greatness.

I’m the strength you do not see when he walks alone. I’m the love he finds behind closed doors. I’m the affection he seeks when no one is around. I am the mother. The wife. The sister. The friend. The lover. The confidant. The homemaker. The womb for souls that we breathe life into. My family & friends are those connections that make me push harder. I don’t have the answer for tomorrow but I hope I did enough today to be the change for it​.

Who you gonna be today?

Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood

Torrential Downpours…

The day that I found out I was pregnant was April Fool’s day. I kinda wasn’t interested in finding out for awhile because although we were trying to conceive, we were so broke that I often couldn’t comprehend why I even was bothering. We’d gotten married a year before & married life didn’t look “shit!” like I thought it would. Let’s sum up what happened within two months of being married so you feel my pain.

Five days before my wedding I was terminated from my (somewhat) comfy job as a restaurant manager where I’d been for 6 yrs. They let me go a day after my work anniversary. In between tears to my now ex bosses, I asked if I would still be receiving my vacation pay considering I actually made it to my anniversary. They gave it to me although I knew I had earned it regardless. (Although they later on tried to take it back!) My wedding was supposed to be this amazing event that I created without a wedding planner or caterer. It was a 4/20 Hip Hop Wedding. Since it was during cherry blossom season I decided I wanted to get married underneath the Cherry Blossom Trees in Eastside Park ( the park I grew up in as a child). Plus it had been a childhood dream of mine to be married there. The only way I believed it wouldn’t happen was if there was a torrential downpour. The night before the wedding forecasts showed there would be a torrential downpour 😳😳😳……………………… So as I prepared to go to my reception venue to have the wedding there (as a backup plan), I arrived that morning to a flooded building! I don’t even want to discuss how when I went the day before to set up, there were 2 parties going on (one had a blowup jungle gym) along with a woodshop class happening in my area! My venue promised me I’d have it a day earlier to setup. The woodshop class happened throughout my wedding by the way! We set up while being soaked and many of the guests never arrived. Anywho that story is for another day. After the wedding ( because I never hired a caterer or a planner) we had to break the entire venue all the way back down and return products and such everywhere. We had almost 200 people attend. We weren’t done until 5am returning everything. The next day we were supposed to fly out to Vegas for our honeymoon. We missed our flight which happened to be the last flight of the night ( causing a $250 fee to change flights). I cried myself to sleep that night. We flew out the next morning and had an amazing 3 wk stay in an awesome town with awesome people! But what was going to happen when I came back home? My mind wouldn’t let me commit to just having a good time. I needed to file for unemployment with a 3 hour time difference & try to figure my way out of a jam I felt like I created. Thank God for husbands & particularly mine. He kept me calm throughout the entire experience & made me remember why I loved him each step of the way.
When we got back home we had 3 wks to move out of our apartment. We lived there for 3 years & planned on moving into my mother’s house so we could inevitably take it over once she retired in a year. We also wanted to have a bigger space for my husband’s daughter Robyn. Initially I never wanted to do so much all at once. Moving 3 wks after a honeymoon sounded insane but considering I had no job & my lease was up I had all the time in the world to get this done. We ended up moving out with no one to help us move a single piece of furniture. A one day job took us three and it rained on our heads the entire time. After we moved into our new home (my home from my teenage years) my stepdaughter graduated from 8th grade three weeks later & basically never returned to her mother’s home. I officially became a stepmother. And there you have the two months that came in the case of a torrential downpour.

I’d lived my life so care free most of the time. I never had to be too concerned with anyone other than my happiness. I’ve always been able to fumble backwards into the sheer terror of being an actual adult. It’s like once you have children you don’t get that luxury anymore. It doesn’t matter what age they come to you as. Your responsibility becomes all about them & less about you.

The first month of highschool was tough for Robyn & a huge adjustment for me. In the first week Robyn decided to tell us that they wanted their major changed from medical arts to graphic arts. The challenges of all the newness going on for me, this child & my husband was beyond overbearing. Not to mention we lived with my mother only a doorstep away. Was this the life I signed up for? Was this how it was going to be for me now? I had a 13 yr old child going on 14 who at times seemed like they were going on 10! How could I raise someone else’s child? I barely could comprehend myself.

I stopped taking my birth control a month before my wedding. It wasn’t on purpose though. Somehow I changed my insurance coverage to a plan that made my pills cost $427 for a pack of 3. I damned near almost shit my pants at the price and began crying. This was 3 months before my wedding. I couldn’t even begin to fathom where the money would come from to pay it. So I stopped taking my pills. Once we got a child in the house I had to question if I wanted another. As pleasant as my stepchild was, this was no walk in the park. Life became cleaning up after a child that was larger than me! It meant extra dishes. Never having a meal that completely belonged to myself. Opening a box of cereal to see a quarter bowl of wackness. Drips of milk left in cartons for my despair. One egg left in a carton for my breakfast. Filthy rooms that reeked of a new smelling sweat. Extra laundry. Sharing all my toiletries including my shaving supplies, my hair supplies, my special soap I bought at that festival that I wanted to use for a special occasion!! Did I want to share my life this way!?!?!? I’d like to say Hell to the MFn NO!!! You take everything about a partner when you marry them though. But could I deny my husband what we both agreed upon wanting?? Another child to start from scratch with. I couldn’t choose the sex of the child??? Hmmmmm. After much hesitation I decided that if I were going to have a child that I needed to start working on it no matter the consequences. No matter the financial struggles, no matter the costs! I wasn’t getting any younger. That was November of 2015 by March I was pregnant. In the words of the Wu-Tang Clan, “Life as a shorty shouldn’t be so rough.” I had 9 months to figure out what I would do to support this seed I was growing. I needed to figure out how to survive.

April Fool’s bitch! U pregnant today! This was the first April Fool’s day I stayed offline. No need in tricking people into me being pregnant when I really was. The entire time since we’d gotten married people began keeping tabs on my vagina & it’s occupancy specifically in my uterus. I wasn’t here for it in 2016. I was about go “Ghost” on social media because this was about to be the adjustment of a lifetime! And this baby growing in my belly had better been a boy because I definitely didn’t need an extra period in the house!😳😳 I began drinking a ton of akaline water & praying for a boy! A year later I’m sitting here trying to adjust to this little person that’s completely attached to me. As much as I’d like a break, I’m still memorized by this little creation. I guess torrential downpours can be something that pushes you into a new state of Light per se. And this year April Fool’s day is still null and void because I’m still trying to catch my breath.

Who you gonna be today?

Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood

It’s A Man’s World…

I was the head of my household when I had no household. It was just my boyfriend and I. We began small where he had a steady income. I was a professional server & I was never happy with that title. I had been working in the hospitality industry for almost 20 years. I began working at a young age. My first job was at 12 years old folding clothes at a laundromat for $2 a load. At 13 I became a summer camp counselor for children. I couldn’t even be paid until I turned 14 in August. At 15 I signed up for the track team but ended up quitting a week later. I got a job at a pet store and cash seemed better than playing sports.

My mother worked hard to keep a roof over my head but teenagers are stubborn. I wanted more than what she could give. I needed to look a certain way (buy my own clothes). I wanted to feel responsible for my own life (buy my own food). My mother had a way of showing me what “tough love” was early. Let’s just say that I learned what financial struggles, burdens & responsibilities were a bit earlier than I would’ve liked.

By 17 I got my first job in a restaurant. I worked as hostess at Red Lobster. Who knew I’d live in that industry for the rest of my life. Every time I tried to run from it, I’d end up right back at it.
My calling was to be a writer. Every inch of me always knew it. I’d try to do both. I’d try to have it all. I’d fail everytime.

I’ve been unemployed for almost 2 years and it’s been interesting discovering my passion again. When I’d gotten into the car accident a year ago I’d lost a bit of feeling in my hands. This time was supposed to be an opportunity to create something new/better. So I created my son, Light. He’s amazing in every sense of the word.

My family gave me the opportunity to create this new life yet I can’t help but feel guilty for it. I don’t have a career. The age old question to women is can u have it all? It’s plagued me my entire life. Is family & career possible in the same timeline? I’m not so sure anymore. Many women do it but sacrifice is consistently there.

I’ve got an opportunity to go back to work now yet I can’t help but think about how it will effect my family. Baby Light isn’t even 3 months old yet & he’s exclusively breastfed. My postpartum is still raging at different moments throughout my day. I have yet to have a complete day alone since before the baby arrived. So now I’m supposed to pass him off to a stranger while I go interact with people I don’t truly care for.

I never expected to be unemployed this long. I can’t say I thought I’d have a baby this soon either. I’d like to believe Baby Light is worth it. He’s worth all the struggle but why should struggle be so apparent with raising a child?

Society makes it easier for a man to go back to work. So they say. I’ve watched the pain in my husband’s eyes has he comes home exhausted unable to have a coherent conversation with me. I’ve seen him too tired to play with his son. I question if more work from me is needed yet at what sacrifice? Sometimes the roles need to be reversed just for you to realize there shouldn’t be roles at all. It is a man’s world. But in name of James Brown it wouldn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl.

I’ve created a solid comprehension of what a home looks like to my stepdaughter. I’ve been able to utilize the system to a certain extent & get us all therapist for free. I’ve worked with other pregnant mothers, to find support in what I had been going through. It’s important to cultivate on your surroundings and make the most of the situation. I’ve learned now, how to give of myself in a bigger way. The question is does the work force deserve me back so soon though?

Who you gonna be today?

Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood, Uncategorized

Bill Collectors At Ma DOE!!! What Can You Do 4 Me!!!!

I stopped paying all my bills last month. My husband went on paternity leave for 6 wks when we delivered the baby.

There are only 3 states in the US that give 6 wks of paternity (disability) leave to fathers, California, Washington State & New Jersey. There aren’t many job employers that will tell you to take off time for your unborn baby’s arrival. The smaller the company the less likely they are to want to give you that time off in fear of not having someone to cover your place.

The rules to surviving in life are that you are supposed to sacrifice all happiness for it. All your happiness is suppose get flushed down a shitty ass toilet in order to start that process of survival. What does that mean for your sanity? What does that mean for your family? We live in a world where it’s supposed to be worth it to never see your children because you’re making ends meet to pay all the bills. Where did this lie begin to make sense to the masses?

I went to apply for food stamps down at my social services a couple of weeks ago & was denied because I didn’t have enough paperwork to prove how poor I was. The social worker then asked me why would the father of my children take paternity leave if the bills weren’t going to be paid? We now have a title for postpartum depression. Because we had no names for our many ailments of the past, they went undiagnosed. My husband is my diagnosis for postpartum depression.

The system stays screwing us with no lube ya know. You actually are paid for taking paternity leave. It’s not received until you are back at work & it’s claimed as a disability. Now what’s the point in the check being received after you have returned back to work? The claim covers 2/3 of what you may actually make with a max out that is different from state to state. It can also take anywhere from 6 to 8 wks after the father has returned back to work to process the claim, then another 2 months to receive payment. So basically we are made to suffer as much as possible prior to being paid anything for claims. At this present moment I have over 20 different numbers that call my phone wondering when I’ll pay them. My new ringtone is silent.
Who cares if you’ve worked your entire life away to pay a government that will work harder to not return your dollar back to you when you need it?

I’ve had a job since 12 yrs old. I lost my job back in April of 2015. It took 2 months for my unemployment to come in. I only received it for 4 months because they put me on a 6 wk suspension. I emptied my 401k to survive the 2 month stretch yet still had to apply and go through a rigorous process to take back my own money. Once the unemployment ran out in Dec of 2015 I told myself I’d begin looking for work Feb 1st considering most places aren’t hiring until after the holidays are completely over. I was in a horrible car accident on Jan 31st 2016. The healing process became the new concern. I became pregnant in March of 2016. The rest is kind of history.

The support system that a family needs to bring a new life force into the world is a significant & profound part of developing safety for the child! My village is important regardless of what others may think & I’ll prove it in later posts. Society tries to make us forget those things in order to pay bills. Paying bills is not why we were born. Paying bills doesn’t give you the same feeling that you can get from achieving your goals. Paying bills DO give you some form of financial stability that helps you create the climate of comfortability. It also takes you away from your family and ambitions if you’re doing the wrong thing to create revenue into your home. BILLS BILLS BILLS. Subconsciously, songs, your parents, your teachers, friends and all facets of society make u think that life is about paying bills. “Ain’t nothing going on but the rent! You got to have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me. No romance without finance.” Gwen Guthrie said it best. But please remember while having a job & paying bills do reside on the (supposed) finer side of life please do remember that the true finer side is health, love & fulfilling your dreams. Don’t forget to be the change you want for your family. Your past doesn’t have to dictate your future based on the superficial standards that have been taught to us. Traditions are what keep us living in the past. Traditions are what we hold on to with our holidays. Traditions are what our children learn & believe they need, to be right in the world. Traditions is how we can “Make America Great Again.”. Over a decade ago I read something that stated “Tradition becomes our security, and when the mind is secure, it is in decay.” – Krishnamurti. I took so much from that statement & realized I could become whomever I wanted. It doesn’t have to be based off anything I’ve been taught. I’m more concerned with finding peace & the good of the world within me first. Peace & good rather than right or wrong.

Who you gonna be today?