Married Life, Motherhood, Parenthood

Little Boy

I’m raising a young black boy in America…

& it’s scary. At first I just felt like I needed to get through the pregnancy. Then came the third trimester & the realization set in that I’m going to be raising a black boy & I’m going to need help!

Some days​, that trimester turned into an insecurity of wondering what type of world my child would be born into. The worry of my husband making it home everyday is real. It’s no different than being the wife of a police officer. I’m married to a large black man that’s my big teddy bear. I’ve become so concerned with his safety that it’s just an inevitable feeling now. The climate of the world has always had its insecurities​. I’ve learned that each era there’s downfalls from each decade. The 2000’s began with 9/11 & the Iraq war. The 90’s began with the invasion of Kuwait which led to the Gulf War. The 80’s was the drug epidemic along with AIDS which took its toll on people in towns across the country. The 70’s was the post murder era of many great leaders of our free country i.e. JFK, MLK, Malcolm X & soldiers of the Vietnam War. The 60’s was the revolution against everything because the country had gone mad believing they could control us. The 50’s was segregated & the beginning of a 20 year war in Vietnam. The 40’s was during the Hiroshima bombing & so on & so on. And of course let’s not forget how racism sat it’s ugly little face in the front row to watch it all. Every time a woman realizes she’s “with child” there’s a piece of her that wonders if she’s bringing the child into the right time in the world or even the right country. It’s a scary place to live & be with your thoughts. I’m grateful to have a strong man in my life yet my concerns for his safety run deep as well.

We live in a Black Lives Matter era now where our government is setup for failure. They fail us everyday in so many ways that it’s too many to keep up with. I’m stuck raging against the machine in moments when I’d rather do yoga & meditate. We’re all trying to be heard in this era i.e. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. The question is “Will your words begin a movement?”.

We need to learn how to use one another to stand up. My village ranges from people I never see to others who check in weekly. Create a group of people with like minds & achieve greatness. It could be a health conscious group for healthy living. Join an exercise app that helps you keep at it by choosing a partner for accountability. I get motivational texts every morning Monday through Friday to motivate me to keep writing this blog. http://www.daily.shinetext.com is a great way to motivate the “you” you want to be. Everything takes one day at a time. You can’t rush greatness.

I’m the strength you do not see when he walks alone. I’m the love he finds behind closed doors. I’m the affection he seeks when no one is around. I am the mother. The wife. The sister. The friend. The lover. The confidant. The homemaker. The womb for souls that we breathe life into. My family & friends are those connections that make me push harder. I don’t have the answer for tomorrow but I hope I did enough today to be the change for it​.

Who you gonna be today?

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